dude i'm inner monologue high
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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