She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We got so high we made milksteak
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
