we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
