I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
