It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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