Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
