i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
