Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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