Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize