I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
