He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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