Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
