Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
