Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize