wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize