In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
