My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
