NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
