Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
