Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
