Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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