Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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