I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
