Sry I called you an 8
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
