My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
