Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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