Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
