i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
