I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
