my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My pussy is not your playground.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
