I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
