Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sext me about skeletons
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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