The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
