my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't think brook has ever known best
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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