Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
