well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
