two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
