I'm really into asian looking animals
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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