I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
