I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
