I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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