my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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