Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
