Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My dick has a subreddit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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