All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
