Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
