Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish life had little blips of pornography
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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