There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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