I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
