I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
