I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
