My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
