It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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