Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
