Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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