capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
