i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
