Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
