I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
