I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
