He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
