My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
