I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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