he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
