While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
