Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
