I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
