She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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