One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
