She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
