Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize