Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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