I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
