Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just google imaged poop.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
