You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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