Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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