i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
