The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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