Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
