How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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