the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Oh god it's open bar.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize