everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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