I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
