ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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