There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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