Porn is love you can see.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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