i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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