i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
