he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize