The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm like, not good at living.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
