Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
