bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
