Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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