wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
